Friday, January 3, 2020

The 10 Step Cancer Program

Alright, so it's been a while since I wrote my last blog post for Dragonfly Angel a year, no biggie.  2019 was a good one.  I enjoyed it.  For the first time since my diagnosis...wait for it - almost 10 years ago, 2019 was the first year I actually felt career oriented again.  Cancer will do that to you.  It takes away the focus of where you thought you were going with your life and puts you on a new path basically blindfolded.  It's a barrel of laughs, I tell you, with nothing more than a huge barrel of sarcasm right next to the laughs.
2019 brought my career back to life if you will.  Let me preface by saying I always worked hard.  I always went about my job tasks with a 150% effort.  However, after cancer, it was hard to get my heart back into it.  Career was my #1 focus the first 10 years of my pre-cancer, post-college life.  Then that creepy C word invited itself into my life, my world crashed and the focus changed.  I see where my life went after that as a 10 step cancer program, one in which I never wanted to join but had no choice but to start.
STEP 1 - Cancer diagnosis
STEP 2 - Start going through treatment
STEP 3 - Finish treatment
STEP 4 - Survive cancer (this is also an ongoing step)
STEP 5 - Go back to my life EXACTLY as it was before cancer
STEP 6 - Realize that girl before cancer no longer exists
STEP 7 - Crash and burn....hard.
STEP 8 - Stay in crash and burn phase for a long time
STEP 9 - Get professional help.  Hello therapy!!  Oh how I heart you.
STEP 10 - Thrive in the post cancer world.
I am proud to say that I think I am close to finishing that 10 step cancer program and it only took me about 10 years to complete.  I'm a slow 10-stepper, what can I say?  (Insert laughing emoji here).  And it took my about 10 years to realize I was on the longest 10 step program, like ever.  Well, in any case, I am lingering between STEP 9 and STEP 10.  I think I will be here for a while and I am cool with it.
This year, my word and my focus is all about REJUVENATION.  I feel like 2019 I got my career back on track.  2020 is all about REJUVENATION.  July 13, 2020 will be my 10 year cancerversary.  I am not going to sugarcoat it - I didn't think I'd be alive today.  So, I am celebrating this year.  I am also terrified.  I don't like to make any big sudden movements around cancer as I am afraid if I am too loud or vocal it will come find me again.  I spend most of my time tiptoeing around it to be honest.  This year, though, is 2020.  Think of all the play on words:
(well, I can only think of those two, but still - good ones, right?)
That's how I am attacking my 10 year cancerversary.  I plan to look back on everything I learned in the last 10 years and I look forward to seeing where 2020 (and hopefully beyond) takes me too.  Join me as I reflect and visualize the future.  I'll also take you through my 10 step program and how I made it through, I mean, still making it through.  WELCOME 2020!!

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