Saturday, January 14, 2017

The Courage To Accept

I was thinking a lot about the word I would like to focus on this year.  I try to pick a word that I shy away from, don't know much about or, in all honesty, don't really want to hang around.  What's the point of finding a word to focus on if you already do everything associated to it's meaning already, right?  Last year I used the word COURAGE.  I latched on to it as a basis to get started.  I didn't feel like I had the courage to even explore what had happened to me since being diagnosed with cancer.  I didn't have the courage to look ahead and hope for a future.  I needed to jump on the courage band wagon simply to just begin again.  So, the courage was my basis.

Now I am on to ACCEPTANCE.  It's a word I am familiar with, yes, but not one I play all that nice with.  I accept what happened to me after cancer, sure.  Of course, I only skim the surface.  I have not officially dug in and said the words.  I can work with acceptance when I need to.  I don't really have a problem accepting when someone wants to help me out.  I am always grateful and will be forever grateful for all those that helped me over the years, especially when I was sick.  Aside from that particular meaning of acceptance, I am not a huge fan of it in any other way.  I know I sound childish when I say I simply don't want to accept a lot of other things that have happened to me.  Especially when it comes to what cancer has done to me.

I've talked about this before, but I have never been a huge fan of the "new normal" terminology that is spoken often in regards to cancer.  Accepting my new norm has never been my speciality.  I liked the way things were.  It was never my choice that things changed.  My body is different, my mind is different, and overall, I am different.  I know that but I really just don't feel like accepting it.  Well, this is where the word focus comes into play.  It's not a huge news flash, but certainly a wake up call: I have to accept everything I stated above.  It is my new normal.  It is the way things are and unfortunately it can't be changed back.  In all honesty, that's really an okay thing.

Things really shouldn't stay the same.  Where would the fun in that be?  Everything would be pretty boring.  Sure, there are things all of us go through at one point or another that we don't to accept and we never wanted to happen in the first place.  Welcome to life, right?  I am looking forward to offering some acceptance into my life.  I am looking forward to learning and understanding what that word is going to mean for me.  I get the year to explore it and learn to work it into my life.  First came the courage.  Now it's time to use that courage to accept what is.

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