tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18994598517970093882024-02-19T05:08:50.038-06:00Dragonfly Angel Society - Cancer SurvivorshipThe Dragonfly Angel Society is a non profit organization focused on cancer survivorship. When you or someone you know is finished with cancer treatment, there is often a common question: "What happens now?" We are a one-stop website that pulls together survivorship resources to help you and/or a loved one on their survivorship journey.Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-42056312240784373022020-01-12T17:10:00.000-06:002020-01-12T17:10:19.198-06:00Something Being Born - My AnxietyThis was a writing prompt I came across. It was simple - talk about something being born. Okay, cool. Where does your mind go? You being born? Yeah, obvi. What else? Your children? Also great but obvi. Okay, what else? Well, for me, my mind goes to... Wait for it - ANXIETY! In all fairness, I want to say that happened with the cancer diagnosis, but I don't think that is true. I think it happened long before. I draw blanks as to exactly when it really started, but I've always had it. <div>
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I've been accused of always needing something to worry about. In this case, the accused is guilty. It is true, I always need to worry. Why? I really have no idea. Sometimes for self torture, I think: Why should I get to feel settled, happy, or free? What if I let loose and the other shoe drops? Thank you so much cancer for bringing those thoughts to the top of my brain. I hate not being prepared. The worry allows me to stay in control, or so I think. I wasn't prepared for the cancer diagnosis I received. I assumed I was superhuman and cancer couldn't happen. So, I never worried about it and BOOM - a cancer diagnosis. So in my mind, if I worry about stuff, like every day stuff, random stuff scary stuff, and well, stupid stuff, than it either won't happen or I'll be prepared. That's my anxiety logic. It's really not working. I think that by doing this, I am in control. But...</div>
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Maybe it's controlling me instead? How to stop? For that answer, I'll still have to wait. I simply don't know. </div>
Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-33171522125650901522020-01-03T11:12:00.001-06:002020-01-03T12:54:18.161-06:00The 10 Step Cancer ProgramAlright, so it's been a while since I wrote my last blog post for Dragonfly Angel Society....like a year, no biggie. 2019 was a good one. I enjoyed it. For the first time since my diagnosis...wait for it - almost 10 years ago, 2019 was the first year I actually felt career oriented again. Cancer will do that to you. It takes away the focus of where you thought you were going with your life and puts you on a new path basically blindfolded. It's a barrel of laughs, I tell you, with nothing more than a huge barrel of sarcasm right next to the laughs.<br />
2019 brought my career back to life if you will. Let me preface by saying I always worked hard. I always went about my job tasks with a 150% effort. However, after cancer, it was hard to get my heart back into it. Career was my #1 focus the first 10 years of my pre-cancer, post-college life. Then that creepy C word invited itself into my life, my world crashed and the focus changed. I see where my life went after that as a 10 step cancer program, one in which I never wanted to join but had no choice but to start.<br />
STEP 1 - Cancer diagnosis<br />
STEP 2 - Start going through treatment<br />
STEP 3 - Finish treatment<br />
STEP 4 - Survive cancer (this is also an ongoing step)<br />
STEP 5 - Go back to my life EXACTLY as it was before cancer<br />
STEP 6 - Realize that girl before cancer no longer exists<br />
STEP 7 - Crash and burn....hard.<br />
STEP 8 - Stay in crash and burn phase for a long time<br />
STEP 9 - Get professional help. Hello therapy!! Oh how I heart you.<br />
STEP 10 - Thrive in the post cancer world.<br />
I am proud to say that I think I am close to finishing that 10 step cancer program and it only took me about 10 years to complete. I'm a slow 10-stepper, what can I say? (Insert laughing emoji here). And it took my about 10 years to realize I was on the longest 10 step program, like ever. Well, in any case, I am lingering between STEP 9 and STEP 10. I think I will be here for a while and I am cool with it. <br />
This year, my word and my focus is all about REJUVENATION. I feel like 2019 I got my career back on track. 2020 is all about REJUVENATION. July 13, 2020 will be my 10 year cancerversary. I am not going to sugarcoat it - I didn't think I'd be alive today. So, I am celebrating this year. I am also terrified. I don't like to make any big sudden movements around cancer as I am afraid if I am too loud or vocal it will come find me again. I spend most of my time tiptoeing around it to be honest. This year, though, is 2020. Think of all the play on words:<br />
HINDSIGHT IS 2020<br />
2020 VISION<br />
(well, I can only think of those two, but still - good ones, right?)<br />
That's how I am attacking my 10 year cancerversary. I plan to look back on everything I learned in the last 10 years and I look forward to seeing where 2020 (and hopefully beyond) takes me too. Join me as I reflect and visualize the future. I'll also take you through my 10 step program and how I made it through, I mean, still making it through. WELCOME 2020!!Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-60893159552784711172019-01-30T14:13:00.000-06:002019-01-30T14:13:45.847-06:00What If You Could Change The Stuff You Can'tOkay, what? That's probably the question after reading the title of this post. I didn't know how else to put that into words. I feel like throughout my cancer journey and even throughout my life, I've always heard "don't try to change the things you can't change." Sigh, yes I know. <br />
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There will always be the mean girl in grade school and high school that will make it her mission to be as mean as possible to you: <br />
You can't change her. But you can change the way you react to her. Easier said than done.<br />
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There will always be the "stuff" that happens in your life that you have no control over, say a cancer diagnosis for example. If this has happened to you, a friend or family member, you know how scary and painful this is:<br />
You can't change the diagnosis. But you can change the way you react to it. Easier said than done. <br />
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See the pattern here?<br />
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Let's play let's pretend. What if you could change the stuff you can't? How would that look? Am I opening up a door of emotions that will make things worse? Maybe, but I always like to ponder. What would I do if I could change it all? How would that feel? As I type this, my mind is wandering all over the place. My immediate thought is I would change having a breast cancer diagnosis at the age of 32. Like, I would want to completely erase that from my life. It immediately feels weird to say that though, because like it or not, it is a part of my life. A lot has changed for me - not because I had cancer (let's face it, nothing good ever comes from that at all), but because of my REACTION to it. I like to say that I wish cancer never happened to me, but I know the is silly. I've made some good decisions in my post cancer life so in all fairness, I don't think about that one all that much. As I type that, I kinda can't believe I am saying it.<br />
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If I can still play pretend, I'd wish I had a switch somewhere in my head that I could easily flip off. It's the one that has an on and off button. The switch controls fears, worries, and anxieties. I would flip that switch to off and then rip it apart in hopes of it never turning back on. I am drooling over this right now. That's what I wish I could change. I sometimes like to daydream on that. I feel like it is one of the things I have a chance of controlling and really changing. It's taken and still taking a lot of time to work through. <br />
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I know actually getting rid of the unbearable emotional baggage that comes with cancer is virtually impossible and it is silly of me to dream about never having those thoughts again. However, I think it is a good exercise in thinking about what if I really could? It gives me motivation and opens my eyes up a bit to what I have learned my whole life about any situation - You can't control the uncontrollable but it is your REACTION to it that makes the difference.Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-82730266134008806382019-01-27T11:54:00.001-06:002019-01-27T11:54:24.437-06:00The Battle ScarsHow do you see your scars? Are they battle wounds? Little or big annoying reminders you have to see every day? Painful memories? Strength indicators? I think it is far to say we all see our scars differently or maybe the same at times too. I have scars everywhere, thank you very much cancer. I see them every time I change clothes, look in the mirror, shower, etc. I see them from my memory when I close my eyes or have no access to a mirror. The mastectomy wounds and the lump removal left physical scars on my chest and along the place where my breasts once were. Constant fears, memories of the darkest time of my life, fears that swirl in my mind as if there is a constant gust of wind make up the emotional scars that I refuse to part with although not for a lack of trying. <br />
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I found this quote and that's how I got to thinking about my scars and how i should look at them. I am not sure I was ever ashamed of them. Everyone knows I have had cancer so I don't hide it. I am really not embarrassed by them either. I sometimes just can't get passed WHY I have them. That's the part that always gets me. Why did I get cancer? Why did it find me? Why, why, why? I love the sound of crickets when I look for the answer - there isn't one. So, I keep circling the past with my scars in the driver's seat directing my how I should think about them and what they mean. This quote got me thinking that I need to slam on the breaks and take control of my journey. I can utilize the scars as reminders of the past or I can take their memory and have them direct me toward the future or even just as a reminder to be present today.<br />
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So, to answer my question about about how you see scars? I know how I have seen them and I now I know how I plan to see them. They are my strength. They are my guide to be more present. They are my memories that allow me to visit the path if needed. And most importantly, they are my lock and key to keep the past the past and force me to look at the present instead.<br />
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Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-23414190525412953342019-01-01T13:03:00.000-06:002019-01-01T15:29:05.349-06:00The New Year - What's Your WordHappy New Year 2019! It's here, it's here! A fresh start, a new outlook, and whatever else you want it to be. It's one of my favorite times. I know, we can all say that and then find ourselves back to our old routines by Friday. However, I'm thinking that maybe if we think about it a bit, maybe we have the chance to change that up a bit. What do you think? Are you willing to take that chance with me?<br />
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Okay, let's start with a word focus. I LOVE this part of the new year. People make goals and resolutions...okay, fine, so do I. But I am not sure they always work and usually I forget. I have seen others pick of the word of the year and I have found I love the process too. Mine is:<br />
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<span style="color: #e69138; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">INTENTION </span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">which in my mind then leads to </span><br />
<span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">DEDICATION</span><span style="color: #f1c232; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">which then leads to </span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">TRANSFORMATION </span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">which I love more than setting goals. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So, whatever approach you choose:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Resolutions</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Goals</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Words</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Nothing (that's totes cool too)</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">just do yourself one favor - own it! Own whatever path you take, stick with it, and roll with it for the year. None of us know what is in store for us in 2019 and there is a lot we can't control. Accept what you can, work with what you can and make the best choices for you. Enjoy the ride folks! We've got 364 more beautiful days of 2019 ahead of us. Here's to an amazing year!!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-40427038031149397642018-12-29T10:36:00.002-06:002018-12-29T10:38:41.048-06:00Let’s Talk Side EffectsI was thinking a lot about the side effects we face because of cancer and it's treatment. There is the more obvious ones: <br />
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<li>Nausea</li>
<li>Fatigue</li>
<li>Memory loss...wait, what was I talking about?</li>
<li>Hair loss (my least fav)</li>
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The stress of losing my hair was very traumatic for me. I felt like it truly made me look the part as a cancer patient. Some may say that is vain to be so upset about hair loss and maybe they are right. But that was the trigger point for me in my cancer journey.<br />
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As for the rest of the in treatment side effects, I did okay. I was pretty tired and sometimes, all these years later, I still am. I dealt with the nausea just fine. That was a surprise as I thought that would be so much worse.<br />
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Let's move forward to the long term side effects. Again, there are the obvious ones that reflect the initial side effects:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Fatigue (yay, more tired!)</li>
<li>Memory loss...didn't I talk about this already?</li>
<li>Early menopause (I was diagnosed at 32 so this was an "amazing" gift)</li>
<li>Cataracts (wait....what?????)</li>
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Yes, CATARACTS! I couldn't believe this one. These lovely foggy lenses formed on my eyes about 6 years after my initial rounds of chemo....lovely. I was terrified because my eyesight was fading and foggier (not sure that is a word, but go with it). I started needing my glasses more and more. Light would reflect off them and it would get so bad, I'd pretty much need sunglasses at night. I was convinced I had cancer in my eyes or brain or something (because when anything goes wrong, I assume it is cancer, of course). Freaked out and went to the eye doctor. Turns out it was a delightful duo of fast growing cataracts - thank you steroids and chemo!! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzLH_W9kzryFQ4uwuW-bVX9bgpnlAiL-vaQzRc9OjDGLqDORMvbJzx7KK7iRewTvkNtWY-0UPdRgeJL0CyOPGIOzyBaaPapl_xgk-Lpgs6vMYFo5i8hRqIGTugYuuAF0R1jp_mqSPlGQAj/s1600/BF1DCBDC-9416-4996-8C61-1141161AD605.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1234" data-original-width="807" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzLH_W9kzryFQ4uwuW-bVX9bgpnlAiL-vaQzRc9OjDGLqDORMvbJzx7KK7iRewTvkNtWY-0UPdRgeJL0CyOPGIOzyBaaPapl_xgk-Lpgs6vMYFo5i8hRqIGTugYuuAF0R1jp_mqSPlGQAj/s200/BF1DCBDC-9416-4996-8C61-1141161AD605.jpeg" width="130" /></a></div>
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I had to wait and let them grow and grow....and grow until they were about as bad as they could possibly be for having them removed. Lets just say that is one of the worst things to have to deal with. I know, I know, I went through cancer and that was THE WORST, but cataracts were so not fun. My eyesight got so bad, I was using a massive magnifying glass to see anything and everything! It was the size of my face and yet I still could barely see. Now, it was pretty funny, I must say. I tried to keep a good attitude and laughed at myself. I mean, how often do you go into a meeting at work carrying your laptop and one extra large magnifying glass to see anything? That was a first for me. Needless to say that this past summer, those lovely cataracts got to their much needed max fogginess and I got them removed. Oh everything was so bright and colorful!! I missed seeing green grass and blue skies. During cataract season, everything had a yellow tint to it. It was such a wonderful feeling to see again.<br />
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Cancer and all it's side effects are less than enjoyable. However, I do believe it is how we tackle said side effects. I'm not saying embrace them and cherish them (um, that is just not normal) but practicing a little bit of acceptance goes a long way.Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-53852411680125619842018-12-15T12:44:00.003-06:002018-12-16T16:51:36.929-06:00The Dislike of ChangeOkay, am I the only one who HATES change? Some could argue I get stuck in my ways, which is not always a good thing - fair point. But, I am human, so that's what I know....and I like it. Going to something I am unsure of from a new job, new experience, new friends, etc? It can fill me with anxiety. So, what to do? Well, my first instinct is to complain about it. That works wonders, well, not at all. It is certainly easier! <br />
In reality, we are always changing but just not really noticing all the time, or at least not acknowledging it all the time. We tend to get stuck on the big changes or experiences that make the biggest impact on us. The biggest for me was the whole cancer experience. Yeah, that can pretty much change everyone. My life changed, my body changed, my mental status was basically destroyed. Everything I knew at that time basically turned to dust. So, what to do? <br />
At first, I had no clue so I just ran from it. It took me years to realize that didn't work, but was actually hurting me and more so, changing me for the worse. My second idea, after a long time of running, was latching onto the word acceptance. I was going to continue down the road of nowhere fast, if I didn't accept or at least start the acknowledgment process. I started seeing a therapist to help me get with those words. They are not easy to open yourself up to on your own. Lastly, I gave myself a bit of a break. I thought I could wake up one morning and be like - "Hey, I love change and everything that has happened to me!!" I beat myself up constantly because I was so frustrated that I was not changing overnight. <br />
Bottom line is change is inevitable. Self care can be a huge key to that acceptance. Give yourself a break. Whether it is a caner diagnosis or something else - change is happening and your reaction to it is the beginning of a good CHANGE that can happen in your life.<br />
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<br />Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-30876483561643248682017-01-14T13:59:00.000-06:002017-01-14T13:59:48.089-06:00The Courage To AcceptI was thinking a lot about the word I would like to focus on this year. I try to pick a word that I shy away from, don't know much about or, in all honesty, don't really want to hang around. What's the point of finding a word to focus on if you already do everything associated to it's meaning already, right? Last year I used the word COURAGE. I latched on to it as a basis to get started. I didn't feel like I had the courage to even explore what had happened to me since being diagnosed with cancer. I didn't have the courage to look ahead and hope for a future. I needed to jump on the courage band wagon simply to just begin again. So, the courage was my basis.<br />
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Now I am on to ACCEPTANCE. It's a word I am familiar with, yes, but not one I play all that nice with. I accept what happened to me after cancer, sure. Of course, I only skim the surface. I have not officially dug in and said the words. I can work with acceptance when I need to. I don't really have a problem accepting when someone wants to help me out. I am always grateful and will be forever grateful for all those that helped me over the years, especially when I was sick. Aside from that particular meaning of acceptance, I am not a huge fan of it in any other way. I know I sound childish when I say I simply don't want to accept a lot of other things that have happened to me. Especially when it comes to what cancer has done to me.<br />
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I've talked about this before, but I have never been a huge fan of the "new normal" terminology that is spoken often in regards to cancer. Accepting my new norm has never been my speciality. I liked the way things were. It was never my choice that things changed. My body is different, my mind is different, and overall, I am different. I know that but I really just don't feel like accepting it. Well, this is where the word focus comes into play. It's not a huge news flash, but certainly a wake up call: I have to accept everything I stated above. It is my new normal. It is the way things are and unfortunately it can't be changed back. In all honesty, that's really an okay thing.<br />
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Things really shouldn't stay the same. Where would the fun in that be? Everything would be pretty boring. Sure, there are things all of us go through at one point or another that we don't to accept and we never wanted to happen in the first place. Welcome to life, right? I am looking forward to offering some acceptance into my life. I am looking forward to learning and understanding what that word is going to mean for me. I get the year to explore it and learn to work it into my life. First came the courage. Now it's time to use that courage to accept what is.Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-88851972445991561472017-01-03T21:41:00.000-06:002018-12-16T16:51:03.279-06:00Get Busy Living....I HopePop quiz - do you know what these words have in common? Let's take it further. They are actually two movie quotes. They happen to my favorite quotes from one of my all time favorite movies. The first quote I think about a lot especially when I am scared, my anxiety is on the rise, and my fears of cancer are swarming madly in my mind. I'll jump right in and give you the first quote:<br />
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"Get busy living or get busy dying. That's damn right." <br />
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Has it triggered a memory yet? Alright, I'll cave and give the movie. It's one of the last scenes in The Shawshank Redemption. It's near the end when the character Red finds the message from his friend Andy, long after Andy escaped the prison. The bottom line is Red can stay confined to us current life as a parolee or he can use the money Andy gives him to escape town and meet him by the ocean. He figures he's an old, harmless con that has done his time and says he doubts that "any roadblocks would be put up; not for an old con like me." And for me, this is the part where I cue the tears. It gets me every time and even more so in my post cancer world. I feel like the cancer is the prison in this example and I am the parolee. I can stay stuck in this cancer prison, checking in with the cancer fears on a regular basis as if it is my parole officer. Or? I can "get busy living." <br />
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The very last quote of the movie is simply: "I hope." The underlying point of the entire movie is hope. During their many conversations, Andy discusses hope with Red. Red, feeling defeated for his many parole rejections doesn't believe in hope and feels it is a waste of time. In the end, however, when he finally gets his parole granted as well as knowing that Andy is living free, he finally sees the hope. He ends with telling us his hopes as he goes off to find Andy by the sea.<br />
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Hope is so much more than a word, an idea, a value. Hope is us. It's our meaning. It's what pushes us forward. It is not wishful thinking in the text that "gee I hope I win the lottery, or I hope to live to 100." Hope is a form of gravity that keeps us grounded. It keeps us moving forward. It helps shed the light on the tough times. Without hope, what is the point, really? What are you moving forward to. Hope allows us to get busy living instead of getting busy dying. That is why those two quotes stay with me all the time. They are my lighthouse in those days where I can't find a way to get grounded.<br />
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As for all of us - cancer survivors, cancer supporters, and strangers - try to remember: Get busy living....at least , that is what I hope.Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-31503721522612255962016-12-27T09:20:00.001-06:002018-12-16T16:51:51.793-06:00A Week of 2016Is anyone else just a tad bit panicked? Less than a week of 2016 is left? Wow! Yes, I say this every year at this time. 38 last week's of the years I have lived, and I am shocked every time it creeps up. Okay, so what to do with this week? I tend to get all excited about how I am going to make the upcoming year the best year ever. Then about a week into that new year, I am back to my usual ways. <br />
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I am not going to go with the usual resolutions this year. I am not going to focus on losing weight, running everyday, saving money, etc. Those things will always be there whether I make them a resolution or not. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. I am going to continue to try and eat well, exercise, loose a few pounds and be careful with my money. But what do I really want for 2017? Well, here are some thoughts.<br />
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<li>My word of choice for 2017 will be ACCEPTANCE. This past year was Courage and it did well for me. I first needed the courage to wake up and see what was happening with me. What was I hiding from myself? What emotions did I need to see I was afraid of? Courage was step one. Granted, I still run from a lot, I am still afraid and I still have anxiety, but I am a bit more open to it. Can I say what I think will happen with ACCEPTANCE yet? Nope, hence why I am willing to explore it for 2017. </li>
<li>Write, write, write!! My goal is to get back to really getting my thoughts on paper. This works!! I will share what I want and keep private what I don't. Plain and simple. The few times here and there I write in my journal clears my mind and seriously makes a difference. Most of what I write I can't share (sorry all) but it gets it out of my brain, on to paper and allows for the full release. </li>
<li>Getting me some mindfulness! I am smack dab in the middle of John Kabat-Zinn's book Full Catastrophe Living and it is beyond eye opening. It's a huge book so if you pick it up, tell yourself to divide it up over time so you are not overwhelmed but it is a game changing book. If I can master this idea of mindfulness, I just might be on the road to full ACCEPTANCE of everything about me.</li>
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And on that note, my last week of 2016 will be spent enjoying the rest of the holidays, celebrating the year and looking towards 2017. Happy New Year!1</div>
Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-76959769544269959212016-12-17T17:33:00.000-06:002018-12-16T17:03:33.341-06:00Stop The Beat Up - NOWWhen you read that title, what came to mind first? There is no right answer. Just think about it for a minute. Then, I'll tell you why I wrote it.....pausing for you to think.....Okay, carry on now with reading my thoughts. I wrote that title because I was sitting here thinking about how long it has been since I blogged and I was beating myself up for it:<br />
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<li>What would people think about this blog since it has taken so long between posts?</li>
<li>Would they remember the blog existed when I wrote again?</li>
<li>Would people still be interested in what I had to say?</li>
<li>What would they think about The Dragonfly Angel Society - Cancer Survivorship?</li>
<li>I should have had a schedule ahead of time to make sure there was no lag time between blogs; how could I let it slide?</li>
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Those were some of the lovely thoughts that rolled through my mind over and over and over again. It was just one beating after another. I almost said forget it. I am not going to write. I am not going to bother trying to pick up the blog again and see where my words might take me. Then I stopped just as my fingers were about to close out the computer screen. </div>
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STOP!! JUST STOP!!! I pushed those mean thoughts out of my mind and started asking myself non-judging questions - Did you ever think that maybe life just happened? So, you didn't have a perfect writing and blogging schedule all timed out perfectly to follow. So what? At this point, I allowed all the thoughts to swirl and simmer in my mind. I let them just be and i began to type anyway.</div>
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I changed my focus on the negatives and tried to push forward to the positives. I am writing my thoughts now, right? I'd like to work on getting my thoughts in order to share in the blog a little more frequently but if I don't? Then I don't. End of story. I will not beat myself up. I will not allow my thoughts to overcome me. I will move to the next day and if that includes writing, or blogging or sitting on the couch watching TV, then guess what? That's what the day includes and I will enjoy.</div>
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Shouldn't this go for all aspects of life? Well, the short answer is an obvious yes. Way easier said than done. I am sure you are thinking "easy for her to say." There are tasks that every one of us has that we have procrastinated on. Everyone has tasks and to do lists and ideas galore they want to tackle. Stop beating yourself up on the ones that you haven't finished in the timing in which you expected to complete them. Stop listening to the negative thoughts. You will get those tasks done when the timing is right. You will get those ideas out and into the world when you are ready. In the meantime, stop the beating. Maybe life just got in the way. Enjoy it.</div>
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Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-4700468033823771712016-04-03T12:05:00.001-05:002016-04-03T12:05:14.252-05:00Getting Our Social Media Feet WetHere we go! We have been Facebooking. (Not sure that is a real word, but who is counting?). We just started Tweeting - TODAY!! And finally, we have been Instagramming (again, a word?) for a few weeks now. We'd love to connect with you and please connect with us.<div><br></div><div>Facebook - The Dragonfly Angel Society</div><div><br></div><div>Instagram - @dragonflyangelsociety</div><div><br></div><div>Twitter - @dascancer</div><div><br></div><div>We are having so much fun and going a little crazy too, trying to figure out how each of these social media worlds work. One of our key pushes for the next 100 days is the #100daysfearlessofcancer project. It's our goal to try to live 100 days fearless of cancer. Every day we will post a picture of how we are losing the fear and gaining the fearless. Do you have something of your own you want to do for 100 days? Join us! Create your own #100days hashtag and tag us too. </div><div><br></div><div>Our feet are not exactly social media soaked yet, but we are working on it. See you out there!!</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Zxa03n65BfZLnMC_wRfcV0u40Oj9l4ghfOL9vK6M7Z_gtavaCDHKiV8sZVoffL_jNb5DFwR-mY8ITqMawA0rmh9E482pD9KNo4XxMhuP8qdakGDaDn6yoUSAG_6a_enPJvL01KolUnKB/s640/blogger-image--505553971.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Zxa03n65BfZLnMC_wRfcV0u40Oj9l4ghfOL9vK6M7Z_gtavaCDHKiV8sZVoffL_jNb5DFwR-mY8ITqMawA0rmh9E482pD9KNo4XxMhuP8qdakGDaDn6yoUSAG_6a_enPJvL01KolUnKB/s640/blogger-image--505553971.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-73122935080505647922016-03-09T13:07:00.001-06:002016-03-09T13:07:39.106-06:00Trust In MarchAs I have mentioned in previous blog posts, my goal in 2016 is to focus on one word and one book that goes with it for each month. This month, my focus is Trust. Personally, when I think of the word trust, I think about how I trust people - friends, family, etc. Thinking about my focus for March, I need to take the word trust to a different level. As cancer survivors, I think the word trust can also be related to how we feel about our bodies and our medical teams. <div>For me personally, I struggle with literally just trusting my body. Can I trust it to be healthy? Can I trust that it will tell me if something is wrong? I hate to say it, but can I trust it to not get cancer again? Sound like blame? Maybe. However, it is definitely a feeling about trust that I do have rolling around in this crazy brain of mine. When I got cancer, I was mad at myself physically and mentally. How could my body let me down like this? How could it let itself get cancer? </div><div>Only years later am I slowly starting to realize that my body didn't fail me. It told me when something was wrong. I need to learn that trust again. I need to let it do it's thing. With that being said, the book I tied to my trust focus for March is Rising Strong by Brene Brown. I love her insights!! Trust is not something that can be accomplished 100% in one month, however, I think my basic understanding of it can be learned. I think it is a great basis as cancer survivors to build our future on and help us recover. I hope you feel the same way too!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg72dBOyD84-n-c3FgEdoh2-CsADY2ZvH-YIumytpgls29Kwp-lIJkabYMEDxknQIbUXZMc6fcpiEaI7CXDQythjn8si7ud8M5qYmDBn09uknnM7mBhjGvd5pNFVLbhkBlJaaLnLlRTOD1w/s640/blogger-image--1608494122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg72dBOyD84-n-c3FgEdoh2-CsADY2ZvH-YIumytpgls29Kwp-lIJkabYMEDxknQIbUXZMc6fcpiEaI7CXDQythjn8si7ud8M5qYmDBn09uknnM7mBhjGvd5pNFVLbhkBlJaaLnLlRTOD1w/s640/blogger-image--1608494122.jpg"></a></div></div>Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-74077064206930393792016-02-19T07:12:00.001-06:002018-12-16T16:52:30.123-06:00How's Your Life? How's Your Energy?As I sit here at Midway airport in Chicago getting ready for a little weekend adventure in San Francisco, I keep thinking about one fascinating person I had contact with already today. It's barely 7am so that is saying a lot. I had just go through security and was in line at Potbelly for some much needed coffee and a little breakfast to go with it. The line was full of mundane faces...frowns, sleepy eyes, tired looking parents and crabby airport workers. It was virtually silent until.....a Potbelly worker walked in and started yelling out: "Hey everybody, how's your day? How's your life? How's your energy?" I think I just turned and stared. Then of course my mouth fell open. The sentence that would have come out is "How are you this happy?" He still kept going: "What are you having? How are you?" It was pure awesomeness. He woke me out of my own swirl of worries, negative thoughts, and all the other usual thoughts that roll through the ticker tape in my mind. I worry to the extreme and it can often put some damage into a fun weekend. This guy snapped me out of it. Just watching him do his own personal day-to-day tasks with such a high amount of energy made me realize that all is good. It just is. Take this as your own reminder today, no matter what you have going on. If you are making sandwiches at Potbelly, if you are going to work, if you are going to the doctor or if you are going to San Francisco, just take it all in everyday. Think of the sandwich maker today and remember to ask yourself: How's your energy? How's your life? Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-44467543596404700782016-02-06T19:18:00.001-06:002018-12-16T16:50:01.416-06:00Mindfulness In FebruaryThis year I am focusing on COURAGE. It's the first time I picked a word to dedicate an entire year to. It seems like it is something easy to say, but how the heck do you focus on one word for an entire year and even further, what do you do? I am sure it is not just sitting around chanting "COURAGE, COURAGE, COURAGE!" I had a feeling there was more to it but I had no clue how to get there. Then I had an idea. What if I broke it down? Overall, I want the courage to face my fears, move past my doubts and try things I never believed I could do. Over the last five years, my fears always revolve around courage. I have managed to do a great job of running from my fears and never facing them. I always thought I was facing them head on, but after further review, turns out that wasn't the case. So, in order to break down the year long focus on courage, I thought of twelve mini focus words - one for each month of the year. Along with the word, I found a book that could tie it together. In January, my focus word was courage. I decided to kick of 2016 with a bang and go right to the main word. The book I added to it was Brene Brown's Daring Greatly; fantastic start to the year!<br />
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Here we are in February and my focus is MINDFUL. Mindfulness is a huge buzz word these days. I love it and I love what it stands for. I am not the best at practicing it but there is always a time for a first. So, this month I am trying to be mindful in the every day things. I am trying to pay attention to the food that I eat. I am trying to just live in the moments - the good and the bad. It's easy to be a part of the good, but it is next to impossible to be a part of the tough times; those times of fear. This is where learning to be mindful is certain to help me. I think this is where courage becomes useful too. My book of choice to go along with MINDFUL is Tara Brach's <i>TRUE REFUGE</i>. She teaches the mindful practice and how it worked for her, helping her move past tough times in her life. I think focusing on mindfulness in the second month of 2016 will help me build the basis of my year of courage.<br />
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Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-62169775530208434722016-01-30T09:16:00.000-06:002018-12-16T16:50:25.437-06:00Courage In A New YearMaybe I just haven't paid attention in the past, but I am noticing that picking a word of the year is a becoming a really big thing. I've seen a ton of different articles, resources, websites and blogs about picking a word of the year. I think I was blind to it in the past because I just wasn't ready to focus on a word, let alone a word that would force me to face my fears, pick up the pieces and move forward. Sometimes it is just easier to turn a blind eye and run. I have gotten pretty good at that.<br />
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However, this year 2016, a word jumped out at me. I figured, what the heck, let's focus and see what happens. This year's word: COURAGE. Eek. It's an exciting and scary word all at once. I have mentioned this a number of times, but it is worth repeating. I have been done with cancer treatment five years now and sometimes I feel like it all just began. I am still so very scared of recurrence, the what-ifs, etc. A lot of people say it gets easier for them over time, but for me, it really hasn't. Sure, I can function and do daily tasks but that freaking fear is always right there. That's where the COURAGE comes in. 12 months of facing that cancer demon. <br />
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So, we are just about one full month into 2016 and for me, one month of COURAGE. This first month has been all about just testing the waters. It's been about seeing how I see COURAGE, what things I really need to face, and how I am going to get there. Next month I plan to go into the water at least up to my calves and do a little more hard core staring at that fear. <br />
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In the meantime, I found this really cool website that has a whole kit you can have put together that captures your word. It's really awesome and of course, I love stuff like this. There is a necklace, candle, some mantras, a notebook and more. I couldn't resist and now I can keep my courage visible whenever I need it. Of course, Jerry wanted to get in on the action too as you can see from the picture. The website for more information is www.soulmantras.com. The kit is called <i>THIS IS MY YEAR.<span id="goog_1946564048"></span><span id="goog_1946564049"></span></i><br />
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So, my parting words to you are, what is your word? If you don't have one yet, will you consider? I am anxious to hear your thoughts on your year as well.<br />
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Let the COURAGE (or, insert your word here) begin!!<br />
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Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1899459851797009388.post-932038068512432752016-01-25T16:00:00.000-06:002016-01-25T16:48:33.592-06:00Dragonflies Are BloggingHey Everyone,<br />
We officially have our blog here at Dragonfly Angel Society. I am so excited to write this first post. Now, I just need to get more tech savy. At this point it is separate from our website, but have no fear, we will get it linked. One step at a time. I'll post details as soon as I have them. Looking forward to writing for you AND hearing from you!! Stay tuned!!<br />
Dana and Shelley!Dragonflyangelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15389686750744102386noreply@blogger.com1